The information technology field has an interesting “unspoken” mini-culture. It’s the culture of FOBSAD. What is FOBSAD you ask? It’s the “Fear Of Being Seen As Dumb.” There are probably better ways to say it, like “imposters syndrome” or anxiety – or maybe 100 different ways. It manifests as 1000 different things, from failure to nervousness, panic – I mean you name it.

I don’t think its others labeling people as “dumb,” I think it’s the way we see people who are successful. People who are successful seem to have all the right answers. They seem to be asked about their opinion in meetings and give perfect responses. They seem to know exactly how everything works, without doing any research, thinking twice, or blinking an eye. We try and emulate that behavior – and sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we would expect.

If someone ever says to you they’ve never felt nervous about being wrong in a business setting, or downplays the effect it had on them at the time…they’re most likely lying.

It’s tough to work in a setting or role where your constantly double checking what you do, or afraid of speaking up because it’ll be perceived incorrectly. It’s really tough to “stick your neck out” and express your ideas when you fear they are “inaccurate” or “stupid.” This gets even harder when those around you who truly have bad ideas, don’t shut up about them. When their comments, ideas, feedback push others to the point where they start to talk about how bad they are. They are trying to have all the right answers, because that’s how you become successful right?

It’s a bit odd, but people who have terrible ideas and force those ideas, those people validate to others why they shouldn’t speak up. You’d think it’d be just them hogging the airtime, but its more – its validating this FOBSAD.

So what should we do? I think it’s different for everybody. You have to figure out how to handle your particular situation yourself, no one can give you a guaranteed success plan. Maybe thats part of the lesson? Nothing is guaranteed? I don’t know – let’s put a pin in that one for now.

What can you do to make sure people feel secure enough to be open around you?

Being an ally is big here. Most of the people reading this (the few of you there are) – you’ve been here, and some of you have even gotten over it. You’re giving those right answers in meetings and your career is accelerating. You’ve figured it out. GREAT FOR YOU.

Problem is, if you’re moving up or on, someone has to replace you. If you’re going to become a leader you have to have someone to lead. People already know you’re awesome, so just stop. You’ve gotten the badges and accolades, you’re on your way. Contrary to what others might have you think, other people getting raises and bonuses doesn’t come out of your paycheck. Help people get them.

How can you help people that feel this way? Easy, be an ally. Encourage others who are less “forthcoming” in a meeting for their input or reinforce their ideas (and attribute credit). You’re the big dog, queen bee, imagine what that will say to others around you when you respond positively or look to that person for their input? Might just make them look a little bit awesome.

Instead of dismissal of a viewpoint or idea, really listen. Understand where they are going and help them course correct back to the path. Just because 20% of your viewpoint is off course, it doesn’t mean the other 80% is wrong. Stop and think – is this just a communication failure? I know for me, one of the biggest problems I used to have (and still do have occasionally, ask my wife) is everything makes way more sense in my head. Maybe someone is just doing a bad job of framing their point, they might be new at it, so just listen.

Be generous with your time and thoughts. Give perspectives when needed. Help whoever needs it. You need someone to lead right?

What can I do if I feel like I have FOBSAD?

Easy. Everyone is dumb. Everyone makes stupid mistakes. The only difference is the scale and visibility our mistakes have. There are a few ways (which I get into below) that I personally use to make sure I don’t have “mistakes at scale,” but it still happens from time to time. You’re going to screw up, you’re going to be wrong, people are going to blame you. The only question is, how often and for how long?

Assume you’re wrong.Thats right, when you have an idea, assume it’s terrible. Think (or write down) the ways that it’s terrible and why. Now think about the terribleness you’ve defined. Is there any truth to it? Do you need to rethink your approach? At the very least, you’ve now just generated your first list of objections and thought through the “why” before you get grilled in public. Did you just file away some answers? 🙂

Frame your viewpoint as non-authoritative or questionable. This is a good one, if you have an idea frame it in the form of a question or confirmation of understanding – “Is there a reason we wouldn’t just reboot all of the servers at once?” Even the worst idea framed as a question is a bit softer, and dismissive. But a good idea is heard and nurtured. “You know, typically we wouldn’t do that, but since it’s Sunday, a 10 minute change window might be easier than staggering the service outages, and have lower risk and potential downtime.”

Choose when to defend your view points carefully. Very few things are worth what we think they are. Commonly, I see people defend things that just don’t matter (because they don’t want to be wrong). Being wrong and dismissed is way better than being wrong and persistent. Carefully weigh the value of what happens if your viewpoint isn’t understood and adhered to. If the worst thing that can happen is a few days extra rework, maybe you be less persistent. If its going to result in an outage or event that puts peoples lives at risk (looking at you healthcare IT), maybe you decide to take a bit more of a stand.

This post has gotten a bit out of hand, so let me sum it up. I thoroughly see myself as a learn it all. I don’t really care what the answer is, I care why its the right answer. I thrive on knowing how things work and having a logical understanding of the process that causes it to work that way. I’ve always strived to surround myself with others that are smarter than I am. Not facts smart, but “figure out how to a 2 ton generator to the top of a mountain” smart (I worked with Class A Radio Engineers for a while, it’ll really make you think about problems differently). I’ve decided that being wrong is a learning opportunity, not a bad of dishonor – I just need to identify when I’m wrong as to not be persistent.

So thats it – Thats all I got. You made it this far. I’ll blog at some point in the future, about something. It won’t be technology related, thats all I can tell you.

MC